Connection vs. Sexuality: Building Intimacy with Your Partner
By Anna Rademaker, IBCLC, LMT | Sacred Mama Denver
In a busy world, it’s easy to think that sensuality always means sexuality — but true intimacy is built through connection, not just sex. Deep connection helps partners feel seen, safe, and loved, which can strengthen your relationship in and out of the bedroom.
Connection means slowing down, being present, and sharing moments that build trust and closeness.
For example, at a women’s circle many years ago, a woman shared that while her and her husband’s sex life was amazing after nine years of marriage, their intimacy was incredibly lacking. She longed for the raw connection, primal power, and playfulness they shared back in grad school. But the mundane day-to-day — getting kids off to school, rushing to meetings, family programming, and a rigid schedule — left very little time for true connection. They felt like they no longer knew each other. There was no time for long talks, walks, or playfulness. Everything was mapped out, scheduled, and organized. With that structure, vulnerability, curiosity, and longing faded away — sex had a purpose, but it was no longer for closeness.
But how often do you really take the time to notice the small things about your partner? The way sunlight catches their hair, the way they hold their coffee cup, the little things they do just for you? We get so busy being busy that we forget the real joys of “getting busy” — not with tasks or schedules, but with truly being present and connected.
As The Gottman Institute teaches us, “Bids for connection are the small moments when one partner reaches out to the other to share a thought, feeling, or experience. How these bids are responded to—turned toward or turned away from—predicts the health and happiness of a relationship.” Paying attention and responding to these little bids is the foundation of deep intimacy.
Five Ways to Slow Down & Connect
Unplug Together — Put away your phones for an hour and share uninterrupted time.
Long Hugs & Eye Contact — Hug for a full minute and look into each other’s eyes without words.
Intentional Touch — Give each other a gentle back rub or hand massage with no agenda.
Talk & Listen — Share what you love about each other and listen without distractions.
Create a Ritual — Light a candle, play music, and spend time together, just being close.
True sensuality is about presence and pleasure — not pressure. By focusing on connection, you invite more ease and intimacy into every part of your life.
Want to deepen your connection for birth and beyond? Book a class or consult with me today — let’s strengthen your bond together!